Passive?

To those who think that prayer is passive:

Those who really press and involve God with this petition in the expectation that he will answer it, as people who are seriously and fundamentally disquieted and startled, press and involve themselves too in their own plac and manner as people and within the limits of their own human capabilities and possibilities. They declare, and within their limits take on responsibility, that in the matter about which they pray to God something will be done correspondingly by them.

(Karl Barth, The Christian Life, p. 169; quoted in John Webster's Holiness, p. 76).

Perhaps that's why I'm sometimes reluctant to pray: I don't want to have to act on that prayer. I don't want to be that person who says a mindless prayer and forgets whatever-it-was. I want to care--but not too much.

Lazy

I have become so lazy recently--in everything, including prayer. I haven't prayed for more than ten or fifteen minutes in... shamefully long. Prayers that I can make it out of this rut!

I hate summer. No, that's not entirely true, but it is possibly my least favorite season. I am very externally motivated, and have trouble motivating myself if I don't have things to do, things that others are telling me to do. What does that tell me about myself?

I commit again to praying more, and more intentionally. I intend to go back to carving time out of every morning to pray. I hope and pray that I can hold on to that intention, based on the knowledge that prayer is important and something that God wants us to do and something that changes the world. I hope and pray that I can root out this fear that I now have, that the world is too big for my prayers to do anything at all and/or that prayer is a waste of time.

Forced Prayer

Do you ever have to force yourself to pray?

I ask because I do, all the time. As I pray like that, it just all feels so fake, like such hypocrisy. I'm not feeling the prayer. I don't believe, at that second, that God is doing anything amazing through my prayers. I don't think He's doing anything at all. I just want to get on to doing something else.

Does God still hear those prayers? I hope so, because an awful lot of my prayers are like that. Does He know that I'm doing the best I can, trying to do what's right even when I don't feel like it? I'm sure He does.

God in Prayer

Today I woke up feeling so far from God. And I knew it was my fault--I knew that it was because of thoughts that I was determined to have, sinful ones.

The last thing that I felt like doing was my morning devotional routine: Bible and devotions readings, and lots of prayer. I just didn't want to; it seemed incredibly unappealing. But I knew that I needed to. I needed to take time to draw closer to God, to let the bondage of sin fall away through close time with my Lord. So I did, and it was hard. I was distracted, my mind was all over... but, gradually, I was filled with peace, with the desire to do what was right and follow God that had been lacking before.

When I did settle down to pray (for the third time), it felt like there was a point. My prayers had meaning, and sincerity behind them. I did care. I did want to pray, want God to grant my prayers.

Today I experienced prayer as a way of throwing myself onto God, of saying, "God, I don't want to be here, doing this, but I know I need to. I know that I need You and Your presence in my life. Please change me through my prayers."

God showed me His love and power and mercy through my prayers today.

Praying Consistently

I've been struggling a lot lately to pray consistently. (how often do I write that?) I want to pray, but at the same time I don't, because it feels like just another thing that I need to get done on my to-do list, just another task I need to accomplish.

I honestly don't know how to get out of this rut. How do I get myself to pray except by forcing myself to by figuring out how much I should pray each day? But... is deciding on what I should pray for each day the best option? Or should I decide how long I should pray each day and commit to that? Or should I simply let the Spirit guide me? The problem with that last method, of course, is that then it's pretty likely that, at least some days, I'll just give up on prayer for the day and not pray very long because I don't feel like it. Is that a bad thing? I'm sure God isn't trying to lock me into some arrangement where I have to pray for thirty minutes every day OR ELSE.

I suppose the only answer is to pray for guidance and for passion for prayer (also I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!). God has given me that passion before, and He can again.

Renewed Commitment

As you have probably noticed, I haven't posted much here recently. That's because I haven't been praying much for endangered species--don't get me wrong, I've been praying about all sorts of things (nations, friends and family, people at my school, even some environmental stuff), but endangered species have not been something I've prayed for lately. I think it's because it just seems so overwhelming, looking at this long list and trying to work through it every day. It's intimidating, and it seems as if it will take up just too much time (I wish that wasn't a large part of the reason, but it is).

But I've come to realize that this is unacceptable. Prayer is important--God wouldn't ask it of us if it weren't. Prayer changes the world. Well, one thing I want to see less of in the world is extinctions and other environmental degradations, and if I truly want that (which I do) then I will have to commit to praying about it as well as changing my actions.

So this is me, committing a second time to pray for the earth and endangered species. I know more what I'm getting into this time around, but I am determined. More importantly, for those times when my own strength ands determination fail, I know that God is calling me to this and that prayer is important.

Prayer Block

I really haven't felt much like praying lately--or perhaps I should say that I want to pray except when I sit down to actually do it. I pray that God will give me the patience and perseverance to keep praying even when I don't want to, and that He will hear my prayers even if they are not asked for with my whole heart.

Routine

This past week, praying has been a struggle. I've been so busy that I put pressure on myself to finish praying earlier so I can go do "productive" things, with the result that my prayer time has of course been less God-driven and more me-driven. I've also gotten super behind on my schedule, which isn't that set in stone, but still, being like six days behind 'schedule' stresses me out, makes me feel guilty, and makes me want to pray less.

I guess this sort of problem is pretty inherent in what I'm trying to do, i.e. praying through a list of names. The temptation to just read the name, briefly send them 'happy thoughts' or whatever, and move on to the next name has been really strong lately. I pray that this week I'll be able to slow down, focus, and give my full attention to God and my prayers.