Today I woke up feeling so far from God. And I knew it was my fault--I knew that it was because of thoughts that I was determined to have, sinful ones.
The last thing that I felt like doing was my morning devotional routine: Bible and devotions readings, and lots of prayer. I just didn't want to; it seemed incredibly unappealing. But I knew that I needed to. I needed to take time to draw closer to God, to let the bondage of sin fall away through close time with my Lord. So I did, and it was hard. I was distracted, my mind was all over... but, gradually, I was filled with peace, with the desire to do what was right and follow God that had been lacking before.
When I did settle down to pray (for the third time), it felt like there was a point. My prayers had meaning, and sincerity behind them. I did care. I did want to pray, want God to grant my prayers.
Today I experienced prayer as a way of throwing myself onto God, of saying, "God, I don't want to be here, doing this, but I know I need to. I know that I need You and Your presence in my life. Please change me through my prayers."
God showed me His love and power and mercy through my prayers today.
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