Looking back at my recent posts, I feel that most of them have been pretty negative--they're mostly about problems I've been having lately related to prayer.
Don't get me wrong: I've been struggling to pray consistently lately. But I don't want to give the false impression that I've given up on prayer, or that I dislike prayer, or that my prayer life has been totally awful. As always, when I follow God's lead and persevere, I am given some beautiful moments of prayer. This morning, for instance, I prayed for probably an hour, and now I feel wonderfully at peace.
Praise God!
Monday, July 29, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Forced Prayer
Do you ever have to force yourself to pray?
I ask because I do, all the time. As I pray like that, it just all feels so fake, like such hypocrisy. I'm not feeling the prayer. I don't believe, at that second, that God is doing anything amazing through my prayers. I don't think He's doing anything at all. I just want to get on to doing something else.
Does God still hear those prayers? I hope so, because an awful lot of my prayers are like that. Does He know that I'm doing the best I can, trying to do what's right even when I don't feel like it? I'm sure He does.
I ask because I do, all the time. As I pray like that, it just all feels so fake, like such hypocrisy. I'm not feeling the prayer. I don't believe, at that second, that God is doing anything amazing through my prayers. I don't think He's doing anything at all. I just want to get on to doing something else.
Does God still hear those prayers? I hope so, because an awful lot of my prayers are like that. Does He know that I'm doing the best I can, trying to do what's right even when I don't feel like it? I'm sure He does.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Why I Pray
I have been thinking a lot lately about why I pray--and it's not a very pretty picture.
I pray when I want something from God: to win when I'm playing a game, for help when I'm facing sin, for guidance, to drive the thought of sin away, when I want a situation to go a certain way. I pray because I feel like I should: because I have a schedule to keep, because I know God wants me to pray.
And I don't pray much else.
Is it wrong to pray when you want something? I don't think so, not if you want the right things. But it is wrong to pray only when you want something. That's like using God as a vending machine ("if I pray for ten minutes, You give me this and that. Deal?"). And God is absolutely not a vending machine.
I pray when I want something from God: to win when I'm playing a game, for help when I'm facing sin, for guidance, to drive the thought of sin away, when I want a situation to go a certain way. I pray because I feel like I should: because I have a schedule to keep, because I know God wants me to pray.
And I don't pray much else.
Is it wrong to pray when you want something? I don't think so, not if you want the right things. But it is wrong to pray only when you want something. That's like using God as a vending machine ("if I pray for ten minutes, You give me this and that. Deal?"). And God is absolutely not a vending machine.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
God in Prayer
Today I woke up feeling so far from God. And I knew it was my fault--I knew that it was because of thoughts that I was determined to have, sinful ones.
The last thing that I felt like doing was my morning devotional routine: Bible and devotions readings, and lots of prayer. I just didn't want to; it seemed incredibly unappealing. But I knew that I needed to. I needed to take time to draw closer to God, to let the bondage of sin fall away through close time with my Lord. So I did, and it was hard. I was distracted, my mind was all over... but, gradually, I was filled with peace, with the desire to do what was right and follow God that had been lacking before.
When I did settle down to pray (for the third time), it felt like there was a point. My prayers had meaning, and sincerity behind them. I did care. I did want to pray, want God to grant my prayers.
Today I experienced prayer as a way of throwing myself onto God, of saying, "God, I don't want to be here, doing this, but I know I need to. I know that I need You and Your presence in my life. Please change me through my prayers."
God showed me His love and power and mercy through my prayers today.
The last thing that I felt like doing was my morning devotional routine: Bible and devotions readings, and lots of prayer. I just didn't want to; it seemed incredibly unappealing. But I knew that I needed to. I needed to take time to draw closer to God, to let the bondage of sin fall away through close time with my Lord. So I did, and it was hard. I was distracted, my mind was all over... but, gradually, I was filled with peace, with the desire to do what was right and follow God that had been lacking before.
When I did settle down to pray (for the third time), it felt like there was a point. My prayers had meaning, and sincerity behind them. I did care. I did want to pray, want God to grant my prayers.
Today I experienced prayer as a way of throwing myself onto God, of saying, "God, I don't want to be here, doing this, but I know I need to. I know that I need You and Your presence in my life. Please change me through my prayers."
God showed me His love and power and mercy through my prayers today.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
The Problem?
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
~ Leo Tolstoy
I can't remember when I first read this Tolstoy quote, but it has really stuck with me. It's just so true. Everyone speaks of changing things in the world: passing a new law to prevent corruption, adding a rule so this or that won't be allowed anymore, boycotting a company to send a message. But how often do people try to change themselves?
The true problem isn't big corporations, big government (or, for that matter, small corporations or small government). The problem is human nature, the broken nature of our souls and our relationship with God. The ultimate problem is sin--and humans have no control over our sin. Only God can save us from our sin, through Jesus Christ.
Please don't misunderstand me--I think it's vitally important to change things here on earth, often through channels such as legislation. But I also think that any change will ultimately fail if it isn't accompanied by a change in individuals: if a law exists but is ignored by everyone, then the law is worse than useless.
It's just so much easier to try to change others, to force change upon them and hope it will solve all the world's problems, than it is to look honestly at yourself and see how you are failing, how you are contributing to the problem. And that is why I chose to start my post today with this quote: it's so easy to fall into that trap as you're praying. It's easy to pray for God to change others, for change to just happen--but how is that change going to happen if no one is doing anything to help God make it happen? How is that change going to happen if you are not helping it happen? Praying for something without doing anything else about it, when you could be doing more to help--what hypocrisy.
What am I praying about? What am I praying about but unwilling to try to change in my life?
~ Leo Tolstoy
I can't remember when I first read this Tolstoy quote, but it has really stuck with me. It's just so true. Everyone speaks of changing things in the world: passing a new law to prevent corruption, adding a rule so this or that won't be allowed anymore, boycotting a company to send a message. But how often do people try to change themselves?
The true problem isn't big corporations, big government (or, for that matter, small corporations or small government). The problem is human nature, the broken nature of our souls and our relationship with God. The ultimate problem is sin--and humans have no control over our sin. Only God can save us from our sin, through Jesus Christ.
Please don't misunderstand me--I think it's vitally important to change things here on earth, often through channels such as legislation. But I also think that any change will ultimately fail if it isn't accompanied by a change in individuals: if a law exists but is ignored by everyone, then the law is worse than useless.
It's just so much easier to try to change others, to force change upon them and hope it will solve all the world's problems, than it is to look honestly at yourself and see how you are failing, how you are contributing to the problem. And that is why I chose to start my post today with this quote: it's so easy to fall into that trap as you're praying. It's easy to pray for God to change others, for change to just happen--but how is that change going to happen if no one is doing anything to help God make it happen? How is that change going to happen if you are not helping it happen? Praying for something without doing anything else about it, when you could be doing more to help--what hypocrisy.
What am I praying about? What am I praying about but unwilling to try to change in my life?
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
People Around the World
Since the beginning of this year, I have been praying for people around the world (using the book Operation World). It's something that has honestly always made me uncomfortable, the idea of praying for "those poor people who don't have Jesus." It seems intolerant and arrogant (yes, I know. I was definitely raised in a post-modern, tolerant world), but I have also been realizing more and more over the past year both how much I need Jesus and how much every other person on this earth needs Jesus.
Anyway. The reason I brought this up is because today I realized that it totally makes sense to blog about that here as well as my endangered species prayers, because praying for people around the world is just as important as praying for nature around the world!
Anyway. The reason I brought this up is because today I realized that it totally makes sense to blog about that here as well as my endangered species prayers, because praying for people around the world is just as important as praying for nature around the world!
Monday, July 1, 2013
Praying Consistently
I've been struggling a lot lately to pray consistently. (how often do I write that?) I want to pray, but at the same time I don't, because it feels like just another thing that I need to get done on my to-do list, just another task I need to accomplish.
I honestly don't know how to get out of this rut. How do I get myself to pray except by forcing myself to by figuring out how much I should pray each day? But... is deciding on what I should pray for each day the best option? Or should I decide how long I should pray each day and commit to that? Or should I simply let the Spirit guide me? The problem with that last method, of course, is that then it's pretty likely that, at least some days, I'll just give up on prayer for the day and not pray very long because I don't feel like it. Is that a bad thing? I'm sure God isn't trying to lock me into some arrangement where I have to pray for thirty minutes every day OR ELSE.
I suppose the only answer is to pray for guidance and for passion for prayer (also I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!). God has given me that passion before, and He can again.
I honestly don't know how to get out of this rut. How do I get myself to pray except by forcing myself to by figuring out how much I should pray each day? But... is deciding on what I should pray for each day the best option? Or should I decide how long I should pray each day and commit to that? Or should I simply let the Spirit guide me? The problem with that last method, of course, is that then it's pretty likely that, at least some days, I'll just give up on prayer for the day and not pray very long because I don't feel like it. Is that a bad thing? I'm sure God isn't trying to lock me into some arrangement where I have to pray for thirty minutes every day OR ELSE.
I suppose the only answer is to pray for guidance and for passion for prayer (also I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!). God has given me that passion before, and He can again.
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