My outlook on prayer

I had a really amazing experience this morning.

I woke up this morning from a really compelling dream. I should perhaps add that I often struggle with to stay in reality, mentally; I often have to resist the urge to think obsessively about fantasy or book worlds. So I woke up from this dream, and it was literally all I wanted to think about. I actually lay in bed for a while, doing just that. I finally forced myself to get up, but I still couldn't think about anything else. Making breakfast didn't help, reading a book didn't help, even reading the Bible didn't help much. Then I started working my way through my prayer list. For the first time ever, I think, I wasn't trying to will the prayers true, and I wasn't bored and just trying to get through it. I was just talking to God, asking for His help--both with my own problems and for His protection of the species I was praying for. My experiences that morning had made it abundantly clear that I couldn't handle anything on my own. I was just talking to God, and basking in His presence. I was just with Him. The desire to think about fantasy worlds receded. Praying was a joyful, easy thing to do. It was, honestly, just completely amazing.

It made me think of the following C. S. Lewis quote: "I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time--waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God--it changes me." For the first time, I felt like I understood what people mean when they say that praying changes them--because praying today did change me. It centered me in God, and God gave me His peace and strength.